


Crisis on Earth C Minus and Earth C Plus Plus!

by DaibhidC



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Earth-C Minus, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 14:35:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6570061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaibhidC/pseuds/DaibhidC
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the great tradition of fake comic book crossovers, the Justa Lotta Animals face a team of opponents like no-one they've seen before ... and yet who seem strangely familiar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crisis on Earth C Minus and Earth C Plus Plus!

It was a quiet day on the Justa Lotta Animals satellite. The Crash was playing table tennis against himself, Zap-Panda was practicing card tricks, and Batmouse had been hiding in the shadows for so long he’d almost fallen asleep.

Suddenly an alarm went off. Batmouse quickly roused himself and checked the report on the Hall Monitor Board.

“All right, people,” he growled (well, as much as a rodent can growl, which is a lot if he practices), “Looks like there’s been a break-in at R.A.T.S. Labs in Muttropolis. Reports indicate several unidentified animals with powers and costumes.”

Super-Squirrel looked at the other team members present. Batmouse, Wonder Wabbit, Green Lambkin, the Crash and Zap-Panda. “This looks like a job for … all six of us, possibly.”

“It’s nice not to feel like we’re just here to make up the numbers,” snarked GL.

\--

A short while later, they teleported into the R.A.T.S. Labs facility, which had been evacuated and cordoned off by Captain Maggie Sawhorse and her Screwy Crimes Unit, and Batmouse used his infra-red lenses to locate the intruders. As they opened the door to the correct lab, they saw several figures crowded round a machine. A robotic-looking mouse was working on the device, while a duck in a white costume with blue zig-zags down the front paced impatiently. Two canines, a female schnauzer in a brown outfit who glowed with arcane power and a male dingo in a dark blue costume with a red chevron across the chest and a fur collar, hovered above them. A cat in chainmail with an energy shield and a seemingly blindfolded rooster with blue feathers and a bow and arrow completed the group. They looked round as the superheroes entered.

“Wonderful,” muttered the duck. “It’s the obligatory fight with the local heroes over a misunderstanding. I really hoped we’d manage to avoid that part.” With a shrug, he ran towards the JLA, his speed increasing as he did so. The Crash quickly moved to intercept him.

“So you’re the team speedster,” smiled the Crash, “Let’s see who’s faster.”

“Quack B. Quick has never been outrun by anyone,” the duck replied, “Certainly not a turtle!”

Personally, Barry Plastron thought this claim was pure bravado. He wasn’t anywhere close to lightspeed and was already literally running rings around the duck.

“Apparently we’ve engaged,” said Super-Squirrel, glaring at the speedster fight, “Zap-Panda, take down the magic user.”

Zap-Panda flew up to the brown-clad dog. “So is this is the Designated Girl Fight or the Designated Wizard Duel?” she quipped.

“I don’t know how much magical training you have,” the dog replied, “But I am the Silver Schnauzeress, and I _am_ magical power!” And with that she let fly with a bolt of energy that shook Zap-Panda’s shields much more than she expected.

“I have some tricks of my own,” retorted Zap-Panda, “God emoceb dehsael dna delzzum!” Her opponent was immediately muzzled and tied to a fence-post that appeared out of thin air. 

“Laura!” shouted Quack B. Quick, “What have you done to my sister?”

The Crash doubletaked. “Sister? How does _that_ work?”

“I don’t need to explain my family situation to you, just take advantage of the fact you slowed down to…” and the duck deftly tripped up the turtle, who instinctively retreated into his shell, and skidded down the corridor.

Meanwhile, the dingo moved to release the Silver Schauzeress, but Super-Squirrel flew up to intercept him. “Bloody ‘ell, mate! What drongo thinks they can mess with Houndjina the Rain Dog?”

“The name’s Super-Squirrel. Last Son of Chipton, if we’re swapping epithets.” 

While this was going on, the Silver Schnauzeress gestured and the muzzle and fencepost disappeared. _Oops,_ thought Zap-Panda, _Apparently, she doesn’t need to speak to cast her spells._ She mentally readied another backwards incantation, although she knew that this time her opponent would be prepared.

“Macheesehead,” the chainmailed cat instructed, “Give Houndjina some assistance.”

“Sure thing, American Pussader,” the robotic mouse replied, and activated propulsion systems on his joints. However he was only halfway there when Green Lambkin trapped him in an emerald energy bubble.

“Nice work, GL,” said Wonder Wabbit, “Now let’s see who’s left.”

“Uh, Puss?” said the blindfolded rooster, “One of us is partnered with the flying bunny, and she looks a little out of my weight class…”

“Sorry, Redeye,” replied Pussader, “But I’m looking for…”

“The guy in the shadows? No problem.”

Batmouse, who had thought himself entirely concealed in the rafters as he analysed their opponents tactics, saw the arrow going towards him. He couldn’t believe it, but he saw it. He just managed to duck out of the way, only for the arrow to release some kind of gas as soon as the suction cup hit the wall. He was still reaching for the nose-plugs in his utility belt (one of these days he was going to have to clear the pouches of old gnawing boards and edam rinds) as he lost consciousness and fell to the floor.

“You might hide from most people, but Rhode Island Redeye doesn’t rely on sight,” the rooster gloated. 

Diana Prance surveyed the battle. Everyone else was engaged with someone. The Crash had ricocheted back into the room and knocked Quack B. Quick off his feet. Super-Squirrel and Houndjina were still wrestling in the air, Kern-El being reluctant to use his heat vision around all the unknown machinery. Zap-Panda and Silver Schnauzeress were throwing bolts of mystic force at each other. Green Lambkin was focusing on maintaining his sphere against a barrage of energy blasts from Macheesehead. And Batmouse was regaining consciousness and getting ready to take out Redeye before he could fire another arrow. That left her and American Pussader.

Pussader raised his energy shield. “Despite what Redeye said, I may be outclassed here. But I don’t go down without a fight.”

Wonder Wabbit raised her paws. “Before this started, your duck friend suggested it was a misunderstanding. On Parrot Eyes Island we’re taught that you give no quarter in battle, but it’s never the first option. Could we clear this misunderstanding up?”

Pussader didn’t lower the shield, but he nodded. “I learnt in Weird War II that war is sometimes necessary, but should never be entered lightly. I’d love to talk this out, if possible.”

Diana flew down to talk to him face to face, and nodded for the cat to explain. “We’re from another world,” he told her, “We’re superheroes there, the Rascalliators. We were sent here by one of our villains, a mad scientist named Lord Havduk. The only reason we broke in here was that Macheesehead thought this facility might have the technology needed to create a path back home.”

Around them, the fighting had slowed as the others realised this was over.

“So was he right?” Wonder Wabbit asked.

Macheesehead shook his head. “That’s a negative. Some of what we need is here, but not enough.”

Super-Squirrel looked thoughtful. “There’s some Chiptonian technology in my Fortress of Squirreltude that might help. I’ll just fly over there and get it. It should take a couple of minutes.”

“Thank you,” said American Pussader, “That’s very generous.”

“It’s almost like the whole thing could have been sorted out without any fighting at all,” muttered Silver Schnauzeress.

\--

 

By the time the portal was ready, the two teams had formed a friendship. 

“You might not be as fast as I am,” the Crash told Quack B. Quick, “But for someone with no connection to the Speed Farce, you’re pretty fast.”

“Thank you, that didn’t sound patronising at all,” Quack snarked back, but with a slight smile on his beak.

“Just admit it, I had you,” Redeye insisted to Batmouse, “There was no way you were getting out of that.”

“There are seventeen ways of escaping from lying prone with an arrow trained at you. I practice them all against Green Sparrow at least once a month. You didn’t have me.”

“Whatever."

Macheesehead was running various scanners over Green Lambkin’s power ring. “You can take all the readings you like,” Hal Cordyarn told him, “but I can’t promise they’ll mean anything. The Goat-Guardians’ technology is incredibly advanced.”

“Maybe if you’re not a mechanical genius. However, I am.”

“Bleedin’ Norah, mate,” bellowed Houndjina, “I reckon you’re tougher than Bunhemoth!”

“I don’t know who that is,” Super-Squirrel chuckled, “But you could probably give the Martian Anteater a run for his money!”

American Pussader, who had been waiting by the big machine with what looked like a knothole in the middle, coughed to get everyone’s attention, “I think the portal has finished warming up, so I guess this is goodbye. Thanks for all your help, and sorry about the fight.”

“No problem, my friend,” replied Super-Squirrel, “I’m just happy we were able to resolve everything. We’ll leave the portal running for a while, so if the Chiptonian reality-projector accidentally sends you to the Elephantom Zone you can come back.”

“Well, let’s hope it doesn’t,” said Pussader, “Rascalliators, ramble!” and he led his team through the knothole. The last thing the JLA heard was Redeye snarking “Seriously, he says it every time we do anything…”

\--

Later that night, when the lab was empty, the portal burst open again. Instead of the Rascalliators, however, out came five avians, mostly ducks, and a gangly dog, all in superhero outfits with matching belts.

One of the ducks, who was also the lone female in the group, sighed, “Well, Steel, where are we now?”

“Hard to say, Duckomette,” replied Steel Gander, consulting a gadget on his armour. “But I don’t think it’s our home universe. The Evil Inkstain really did a number on our equipment when he threw us through time.”

“Gorsh, are we at least close to home?” asked the dog, sounding confused, “I think I left the stove on!” 

“Pipe down, Flubby,” the team leader, Duckomas, snapped at Ultra-Flub. “They had the technology to draw us here, so they must have the technology to send us home. Or they’ll face the wrath of Mitch Wacky’s Hyperheroes!

And iris out. (That’s all, folks!)


End file.
